


He Loved the Stars

by cuddleholmes



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, I'm so sorry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-04-05
Packaged: 2018-01-18 06:40:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1418662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddleholmes/pseuds/cuddleholmes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a tragic car accident, Sherlock is left in a coma, and John writes letters to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Loved the Stars

**13th November**

I miss you. God, I miss you. I never thought I'd ever say that, but I do. I miss you whining about not having any cases. I miss you putting human toes in the fridge. I miss your insults. I miss you playing the violin at 3 o'clock in the goddamn morning, and you not talking for days on end. This isn't fair, Sherlock. It's just not fair. I've tried to think what you did to deserve this, yet, here we are: I'm sat by your bedside, writing letters to you because you're lying in hospital attached to a machine trying to keep you alive. But, I'm going to continue writing letters until you wake up. I'd say that it's just like those romantic movies we watched, but you didn't actually pay attention to them.

The flat is really quiet without you, I don’t like it. Please come back so it won’t be.

**14th November  
**

You’re still not awake. Obviously. 

I’ll be right here for when you wake up, though. Right by your side. I’d go on about how much I miss you, but you’d just tell me that it’s stupid. Yeah, I know, _caring is not an advantage_. I miss literally everything about you. I miss the rare opportunity that I ever get to see you smile, like you did when I proposed.

You still haven’t answered my proposal, Sherlock. 

**17th November**

I went on a case today, my first one without you. Guess where it was? The same place we found Jennifer Wilson's body - the woman in pink. Remember? It was the first case we solved together. Or, well, you solved. I just stood by and admired your brilliant mind at work. Do you remember the first time I said your deductions were amazing, you were speechless. Sherlock Holmes, speechless. Who'd have thought it, eh?

Sherlock, do you remember our first kiss? It was at the Planetarium. You looked up at the stars for a split second and then turned back to me, and murmured in the most tender voice, "beautiful, isn't it?" I was confused. I replied, "I thought you didn't care about the stars?" And you smiled. It was the most breathtaking smile I had ever seen you do, and you said simply, "I wasn't talking about the solar system, John." I pulled you into a kiss and, to my surprise, you kissed me back.

From that day forward, you loved the stars. 

**20th November**

Your parents visited today. God, your parents are so... normal. Nothing like you at all. You're odd, but I would never change you for anyone, Sherlock. I spent the whole afternoon talking about your childhood, I wish I could have seen you as a child. It would have been hilarious.

Sherlock, if you come back to me, we could have a family. All the times we discussed adopting a child, how amazing would that be? You said you'd be a terrible father, but I don't believe that for a second. However, you're stubborn, and you'd still probably want to name the child Hamish, because of my middle name. I've always hated that name.

I miss talking about our future. Do you know what I see in my future? You and me, married. Forget Mrs Turner's married ones, Mrs Hudson probably wouldn't shut up about her married ones solving crimes and saving London. Sherlock Watson has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

Please come back, Sherlock. Please.

**25th November**

Sherlock, have you thought about my offer? I asked you before the taxi crash. I know my question must have been difficult for you, but I hoped that one day that shield for a heart you have would disappear and you'd say yes. I asked you to marry me. An answer like that wouldn't have gone forgotten, I could never forget that. God, I barely recognise you anymore, your lifeless body is scaring me. I’m begging you, I just want you to be okay. Just any sign that you're still there in that frail body of yours. Please wake up. All I want is another kiss, or to see that rare but beautiful smile of yours. I’d do anything for a smile, holding you till our time is done.

I’m crying again. I can't see the paper. God, I miss you.

**5th December**

Mycroft and Greg got married today (yes - Lestrade's first name is Greg. Not Gavin, not Glenn, it's _Greg_ ), it was pretty cute. I saved you a seat in between Mrs Hudson and I, and it seems that a lot of the yard miss you. Greg and Mycroft wanted you to be the best man, but as you’re in you're otherwise occupied, I did the job for you. I was a bit not good, you'd have been so much better.

That could be us, Sherlock. That could be us.

**25th December**

Merry Christmas, babe. You should have seen the flat! Greg, Mycroft and Mrs Hudson helped decorate it. I didn't think it was physically possible to fit so many lights on that damn tree. You'd probably start whining about how physics wouldn't allow it and I'd kiss you to shut you up. You always had that cute little blush on your cheeks when I'd do that, and you'd say you didn't like it but we all know you did. We all got you presents, they're on your bedside table. Yes, that's an invitation for you to wake up.

**1st January**

You got worse today. So much worse. Apparently you don’t have long left.

I don’t want to die alone without you here, please tell me what we have is real, and wake up. What if I never hold you, or kiss your lips again? I’m scared, Sherlock. 

**2nd January**

This is so frustrating, why haven't you woken up yet? It’s ridiculous! William Sherlock Scott Holmes. The name that brings fear to murderers. The name that brings pride to budding detectives. The one man who wouldn’t back down without a fight, dying in a taxi accident. You always said that you'd want to die for the greater good, like being shot in the head by a serial killer in order to save the rest of London. You said because being shot in the head would be quick. I hated it when you said that. You know why? Because being shot in the head would destroy that brilliant mind of yours, the brilliant mind that solved so many cases. The brilliant mind that helped so many people. The brilliant mind who changed and saved so many lives, including mine. 

But Sherlock, I want you to know something. You complete me. I love you so much, and what breaks my heart is that I know you rarely say it because you don't know how. But I accept that; because that’s what couples do, isn’t it? They accept each other.

Also, it's a beautiful night out tonight. The stars were out. You love the stars, don't you, Sherlock?

**3rd January**

Molly visited. She and I played Cluedo to pass the time.  You liked playing Cluedo. So did I. Before I played it with you. You actually deduced that the victim had done it. You deduced that the victim had faked his own death. I said at the time that it wasn't very likely. In fact, I think I said it was impossible. And you told me that it might be improbable but nothing's impossible.

I wish I still believed that.

**4th January**

The gang came to visit you today, and they all brought you flowers. Even The Woman visited, she left a single red rose and kissed you on the forehead. I think she was crying. Irene Adler cried because of this. I hope you realise that.

Mycroft helped me learn some French - I'm dreadful at it, but I did it in hope you would be impressed with me. Je suis amoureux de toi et je ne cesserai jamais de t'aimer. I think I just said "I'm in love with you and I will never stop loving you", but if I'm wrong, blame Mycroft. I'm only as good as my teacher.

**5th January**

You’re still here. Thank you.

**6th January**

Happy Birthday, love! I know you don’t like celebrating birthdays because they’re pointless, but I got you a present. It’s at the side of your bed, you’ll love it.

**27th January**

No matter how hard I try, how hard I wish, you’re not coming back, are you, Sherlock? I’d do anything for you to wake up, but you won’t. I’m not one for crying, but I’d cry a thousand tears. I’m soaking wet right now, I can’t even see the page I’m crying so much.

Please, Sherlock. I’m running out of paper to write letters on.

**1st February**

Not much has changed. You’re not dead, and neither am I.

**10th February**

I attended your funeral today. Greg was the pastor, and he did a good job, if I must say. Most of Scotland Yard attended, and so did your parents. There was a stunning array of black umbrellas and crying friends. Irene attended, and even Anderson did. And guess what? They both cried. Everyone who attended cried. Me, Mycroft, Greg, Sally, Molly, Mrs Hudson, everyone.

I wrote you a eulogy, but I didn’t say it, I’m so sorry. I tried to, but I couldn’t get the words out. After a few minutes of me crying in front of everyone, Molly got up and read it for me. You would have told me that tears were unnecessary, I bet. All lives end, all hearts are broken, caring is not an advantage. God, I even read that in your voice. Your beautiful voice. Those words ran round my head throughout the funeral, and just hearing your voice made me cry more. Molly read the eulogy so beautifully, though. She did a much better job of it than I would have. There's a photograph of you in the entrance of Scotland Yard, with a plaque saying "William Sherlock Scott Watson-Holmes, the world's only consulting detective." I know you didn't answer the proposal, but I told everyone that you were my fiancé, so Greg had the idea of putting my surname on the plaque too, and I put the ring on your finger before you were buried. I hope you don't mind. If it wasn’t for the taxi crash, I think you’d have said yes. No matter how hard you tried to prove me wrong, I know you love me.

Did you feel any pain, Sherlock? You know, when you passed? I’m sorry if you did, you don’t deserve it. Literally everybody was in tears at your funeral. I hope you watched from Heaven or where ever it was you went. You wouldn’t leave me, right?

It took me too long to realise that I was in love with you, Sherlock, you made me a better man. You taught me that if something was worth it, I should fight for it. And I did. I fought for you, and now, what should I do? You’d tell me to not be upset, because caring is not an advantage. But I love you. I love you so much it hurts. I can never love anyone else, I hope you know that. I will never stop loving you until I stop breathing, and even when I'm nothing but bone, I will still love you.

Oh, and one more thing. The stars are out. You love the stars, don't you, Sherlock?


End file.
